Grants for the Arts Cuts

This amusing item was posted to the Arts Council arts news forum…

It’s time to face up to the inevitable. Time to acknowledge the true nature of what we face. Time to stare at the naked forces of life.

We will have to lay down the pens and the paintbrushes. Have to buy sports shower gel and knee supports. We will have to turn off the computers, the studio lights and the PA systems. I-Pods and pedometers will be turned on. Some us will even need to buy sports bras.

It is inevitable, but we must be honest and embrace the truth. For with the massive reduction of funds to the Grants for the Arts scheme so that the Olympics can be properly funded, artists, and thousands of them, are going to have to retrain as sports people to ensure balance
is maintained in our society, the world, perhaps even the entire cosmos.

To assist with the retraining of thought and body that will be essential in facilitating this shift, an artistic sports day is being organised for the 26th May, on Hackney Marshes in East London (large parts of which are being developed for the Olympic site).

We need competitors, equipment and ideas for sports along the lines of handbag throwing, dry-land synchronised swimming and invisible discus.
We need bunting and stewards, poster-makers and banner painters, publicists, musicians and photographers.
If you think you might be able to help, stop wondering cos you bloody well can.

Let us know how you can contribute, promise us you will come, share your excitement at the forthcoming change in career, write to us please, at

Let’s embrace this time together, enjoy the sunshine and let the non-artists amongst us appreciate quite what is happening with this cut.