Here’s my ticket for the Arts Council art05 awards party tomorrow night. Its printed on pretty pink felt! But the problem is it says ‘Smart Dress for Party’ and I don’t have a smart dress and if I did I wouldn’t wear it to go to Jump Ship Rat which is, lets be honest, a bit of a dump. Unless they’ve been refurbishing the place over the last couple of months I think some of these Arts Council nobs are in for a bit of a shock when they find themselves at this prestigious event in an unheated old shed on the coldest night of the year in Liverpool’s red light area. HeHe.